Superman had Lex Luthor. Batman had the Joker. Holmes had Moriarty. And me? I had the high school life guards at the public swimming pool. Though their names and faces changed over time, they were my elementary school arch-enemies, my nemeses, my thorns in the flesh, every last one of them. They solely existed to ruin my fun and humiliate me in front of my friends.
Not that I’m bitter.
Sometimes, though, I still wake up in a cold sweat, imagining I’ve heard their whistles and fascist voices barking orders in the middle of the night. No running! No cannonballs! No diving into the baby pool! No breathing!