Last week I took my daughter horseback riding in the Smoky Mountains.  Despite my rugged Marlboro Man-like appearance, I had never actually been on horse a day in my life.  But how hard could it be, I thought.  They stick six-year-old little girls on these things and cut them loose in the forest.  For a wild frontiersman like myself, this would be a piece of cake.

When I met my horse, Miko, however, I suspected I might have some issues.  All the other horses were ignoring their riders.  Miko kept trying to eat me.  He could smell the granola bar in my pocket and didn’t know how to take no for answer.  By the time we actually started our ride, my clothes were soaked in horse slobbers.

Jessie, our trail boss, walked us through a few basic instructions before we left.  If the horse stops on the trail, give it a kick.  Need to go right?  Pull the reins right.  Want to go left?  Pull left.   If it goes too fast, yank back on the reins, but if you keep yanking, it will go in reverse and will run you off a cliff and kill you.

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